PNW story time. (post whore thread) [Archive]

TheProbeKid

March 27th, 2001, 08:56 PM

As Brian hits the ground with a thud, Jordan walks by, glances down, and with a terrified look on his face and says... "Oh well." And walks away.

Chris

March 27th, 2001, 09:53 PM

As soon as Jordan was out of ear shot, the four homosexual necrophiliac elves prepared the body for transport. "No, wait!", said Ballsak, the elder, as he raised his staff.

BillyBadAss

March 27th, 2001, 10:02 PM

then the other three elves lowered Brian's corpse onto Ballsak's staff.

TheProbeKid

March 27th, 2001, 10:03 PM

On 2001-03-28 05:02, BillyBadAss wrote:
then the other three elves lowered Brian's corpse onto Ballsak's staff.

Ewwww...

blk94PGT

March 27th, 2001, 10:56 PM

DoooooD! not cool, not cool at all
don't [censored] with the dead dude!
_________________
Brian
94PGT MTX

Chris

March 27th, 2001, 11:49 PM

Ballsak's staff instantly lowered. "Where did that voice come from?!", he said in a look of panic.

LordKravis

March 28th, 2001, 12:53 AM

the voice came from brians corpse, it said " get away from me little elevs your beef gave me food poisioning im not dead".

95GT Racer

March 28th, 2001, 02:52 AM

Just then, Brian puked all over one of the little elves!

TheProbeKid

March 28th, 2001, 03:16 AM

"Dammit!" said the elf. "First off, why did I just get puked on, and second, how the hell did I get into this story?"

BillyBadAss

March 28th, 2001, 08:42 AM

Then an ugly old woman walked into the room carrying a baby. She said "Jordan, we need to talk."

blk94PGT

March 28th, 2001, 11:10 AM

then the baby puked on Jordan and the elf.

TheProbeKid

March 28th, 2001, 11:27 AM

On 2001-03-28 18:10, blk94PGT wrote:
then the baby puked on Jordan and the elf.

"****** this!" exclaimed the elf, and he promptly left.

blk94PGT

March 28th, 2001, 11:41 AM

ballsak looked up and said "****** what?" with a look of confusion on his face.

BillyBadAss

March 28th, 2001, 01:03 PM

in come Beavis and Butthead who look at the elf and say "You're name is Ballsak. hehehehe"

LordKravis

March 28th, 2001, 01:16 PM

Then, Ballsak waved his magic staff and summoned the PNW post whore monster. Ballsak commanded the PNW post whore monster to bend-over the members of MIPOC and say, "Who's your daddy?" and the members of MIPOC replied, "You're my dad PNW post whore monster."

It was clever but I felt an uncontrollable urge to clean up the spelling and punctuation. The school teacher in me I suppose.
_________________
i have a 90 PGT its the special dent and duct tape edition.
Hi im justin and I eat plants.
how canadians call the front seat, Shotgun Eh!!

Chris

March 28th, 2001, 06:30 PM

The old woman, trying to extrude child support from her young male friend, was thwarted by Ballsak. "Stop harassing this boy you deceitful wench!" Ballsak commanded with great fury, "This child is the seed of MY loin. His name shall be Smallsak."

In the midst of the confusion, Jordan had fled the scene fearing that the baby was indeed one of his offspring. As expected, he would later be found bothering the beautiful and tasty women who inhabit this planet and striking out miserably.

BillyBadAss

March 28th, 2001, 06:33 PM

Next, on Montell. She doesn't know who the father is. Is it Jordan... or is it Ballsak? Stay tuned for the answers.

LordKravis

March 28th, 2001, 06:54 PM

turns out jordan was the father. but surprisingly the old woman really wasnt old. she was only 16.
_________________
i have a 90 PGT its the special dent and duct tape edition.
Hi im justin and I eat plants.
how canadians call the front seat, Shotgun Eh!!

Chris

March 28th, 2001, 07:04 PM

On 2001-03-29 01:54, LordKravis wrote:
she was only 16.

and an elf!

blk94PGT

March 28th, 2001, 07:38 PM

I just realized that this could be the story of my birth.

Corrected for spelling and grammar. -Chris

whmoorejr

March 28th, 2001, 08:27 PM

From that point forward, all that knew brian, knew he was special. From his impressive lust for the music of the Village People, to his awkward....

BillyBadAss

March 28th, 2001, 11:36 PM

style of dress. Only Brian could wear chaps and a turtle neck, be preparing to go to sea with a bunch of men on a boat for long periods of time, and still try to convince everyone he is straight.

whmoorejr

March 29th, 2001, 01:10 AM

Unfortunatly... it was no use. It was only a matter of time until brian was dubbed the name "man candi".

BillyBadAss

March 29th, 2001, 07:39 AM

The woman that inhabit the planet are in a panic. Seems Canada doesn't like Man Candies. Canada prepares to attack...

LordKravis

March 29th, 2001, 10:34 AM

so the canadians drove to america to attack. they had truck loads of bacon.

blk94PGT

March 29th, 2001, 11:42 AM

(I really should read this thread more often...)

BillyBadAss

March 29th, 2001, 06:37 PM

On 2001-03-29 18:42, blk94PGT wrote:
(I really should read this thread more often...)

(no... no you shouldn't)

Chris

March 31st, 2001, 12:04 AM

In an attempt to avoid the attack from Planet Canadia, the Man Candy child was whisked away in the middle of the night. He was taken to Spo-compton where he was raised by a family of Sadistic Pickle Farmers. Each night, Brian was ritualistically...

Dan [Sac]

March 31st, 2001, 01:16 AM

Bathed and shaved...all over...the Pickle farmers wanted to keep him ready for...

Lino Sacman

March 31st, 2001, 05:48 AM

...his new duties to chase down and finally put an end to the nororious pink Energizer Bunny, who's blatant galavanting all over Planet Canada had left horrifying fields of crushed pickles. Upon catching the pink bunny, he would have the honor of ...

BigProbe

March 31st, 2001, 04:21 PM

teaching the bunny what it really means to love another man. A lesson oft-taught from Jordan. (sigh)

Chris

April 1st, 2001, 07:53 PM

Yes, the pickle farmers means were sadistic, but there livelihood was hanging in the balance. Brian's arrival in Spo-Compton was not just coincidence. The Man Candi force was strong inside him. He was summoned there to be trained by Jorda the ancient Man Candi Jedi master.

TheProbeKid

April 1st, 2001, 10:11 PM

Mmmmmm...

"Train you I will... Master you will be."

Dan [Sac]

April 2nd, 2001, 02:20 AM

The Man candi force was chanting relentlessly in his head "I see your Scwhartz is as big as mine" - for weeks he toiled about its origin, until he remembered that on the pickle farm he was forced to watch Space Balls each night before bed as a preparation for his lobotomy.

GreenBeast

April 3rd, 2001, 05:20 PM

...lobotamy or kamakazi mission? after all, he did not care! He rememembered he left his shwartz in his other pants, and he was getting ready to retrieve it, when...

Chris

April 3rd, 2001, 11:12 PM

A glance in the mirror reminded him that he would not be using it anyway. Being the byproduct of the forbidden love between Jordan and a sixteen year old elf who resembled an old lady,........

whmoorejr

April 5th, 2001, 03:49 AM

... so out of the house he pranced, schwartz-less, but frolicking none the less, on his way to...

95GT Racer

April 5th, 2001, 10:11 AM

the Local gay bar right down the street, he figured what the hell, Ill stop in to see some old friends. When he arrives...

BillyBadAss

April 5th, 2001, 12:23 PM

...he is greeted at the door by Trevor, who is wearing....

whmoorejr

April 5th, 2001, 06:56 PM

a sun dress, 6 inch pumps and a hair weave, much to man candi's aproval. Everything was going so smoothly (especially since he was recently greesed) when all of a sudden...

Trey

April 6th, 2001, 12:11 AM

"Trevor" pulls off his mask! IT's really Jordan in disguise!!! Man Candi shakes his head...the sight of a 8 foot tall Trevor should have let him know something was up...

Just then the two hear a noise outside. It's the real Trevor! He's calling Jordan out...the long awaited rematch of thier race is on! With both cars revving and their drivers ready to go, ManCandi calls upon the force to Help his master. All of a sudden.....
_________________
Screw the ignitor, I've got MSD
My exhaust has set off: 17 car alarms
I am your daddy

95GT Racer

April 6th, 2001, 12:55 AM

Both of the 2.0 probes are on fire!!! Club Si NW got pissed that these cars kept kickin their ass so they decided to eliminate them!! As the Si group chanted "Down with the Probe!!"...

Dan [Sac]

April 6th, 2001, 02:41 AM

As if God himself heard the ClubSI chants, the intense heat from the burning Probes began to melt the giant totem pole in front of Trevor's house - prophetically enough, the word "Probe" etched in it with a rusted Swiss army knife.

"Down with the Probe" "Down with the Probe"...and then there was silence...the pole had collapsed onto the first Honda, knocking its immense spoiler off - the spoiler crushed the seven Honda boys to death...

Relieved, Trevor turned to Jordan and said...

Trey

April 6th, 2001, 02:54 AM

"well, twist my nipples and call me sassy...I've never seen anything quite like that before."

Off in the distance, an unearthly grumble is heard...slowly it grows louder, until it is too loud to bear. ManCandi screams and runs for cover underneath an onlooker's dress. The noise seems to be getting even louder as a car comes into view.

Pointing at the oncoming car, Trevor yells "Holy Crow, it's.....

_________________
Screw the ignitor, I've got MSD
My exhaust has set off: 17 car alarms
I am your daddy

whmoorejr

April 7th, 2001, 03:20 AM

... the Oscar Myer Weiner Mobile!!! It's sleek, yet erotic appearance is too much for brian (man candi) to handle.

"Oooh, I'm getting moist." moans Brian in his hidden crouch.

But as the Weiner Mobile gets closer, there is something odd, something out of place.

The driver, yes, it's the driver, none other than...

Chris

April 12th, 2001, 12:03 AM

...Ballsak! He was arriving late to join his fellow Club Si NW members in HIS weiner mobile and show off the unearthly grumbling of his new Pacesetter cat-back.

He was also looking for some Man Candi who happened to be in the process of sucking the chrome off of a third giant exhaust tip.

BillyBadAss

April 12th, 2001, 12:17 AM

Man Candi sees the approaching weiner. He quickly jumped into the nearest Probe to begin an attack on the approaching Ballsak. Man Candi quickly drove towards the large vehicle driven by Ballsak and began banging into the weiner with his Probe. Suddenly...

Chris

April 19th, 2001, 11:41 PM

The cops bust both of them for c0ck fighting. Once in custody, Ballsak knew he was hung, due to his enormous weiner. Brian, on the other hand, knew he could get off because of the lack of visible evidence.

BillyBadAss

July 3rd, 2001, 03:18 PM

then they rode off into the sunset together

blk94PGT

July 3rd, 2001, 03:47 PM

and got burned up in the sun.

BillyBadAss

July 3rd, 2001, 04:35 PM

and lived happily ever after

Snorb93GT

July 3rd, 2001, 09:41 PM

All dead and burnt and stuff.

Trey

July 3rd, 2001, 11:35 PM

But what happened to Jordan you ask???

Find out next time on....

Some other thread!:grin:

BillyBadAss

July 3rd, 2001, 11:43 PM

same bat time...
same bat forum...

Chris

July 4th, 2001, 04:21 PM

Jordan was left unharmed but alone with nothing but his 'test pipe' to keep him occupied.

BillyBadAss

July 4th, 2001, 05:09 PM

and did it ever keep him occupied... empty tubes of KY all over the place...

ProbeGTC

July 9th, 2001, 02:30 PM

I have absolutly no clue WHY i clicked on this thread...
but it was funny

Chris

July 9th, 2001, 05:14 PM

I just read it again. It IS funny. Very twisted, but funny. I'm almost ashamed to see my name as topic starter.