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I blew it this time... (long)

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  • I blew it this time... (long)

    Wow... where to start? Well as some of you may remember, I'm from the Ohio Probe's crew but have been in the Army for almost 2 years in Louisianna. Well, you might remember when I got deployed last April. I just came back. Here's my story...


    Well, when I got to LA I met a girl named Melanie. I fell in love with her instantly... After a while of dating, we found out she was pregnant. We had already talked about marriage, and I wanted it so bad. So did she. Well, we got married on April 8th 2003 and I got deployed on April 25th. Well, my wife had to go for a week to Florida between that and I was working a lot so it was cool. Well, while she was gone I had my JImmy and her car also. One day a girl I know asked me help move some stuff from her garage and into her house for her. (she had just moved) Well, I went over to help, we were friends right? Anyway, I drove the wife's car. Now, she and I are both married. My wife was pregnant, and she already had a daughter. Innocent, right? Well, I didn't tell my wife about it. She found out from using my screen name ( let her while I was deployed) and she was pissed about it. Then, I made the mistake of joking with an ex who was feeling down that "I missed hitting that"... Melanie also found that because the e-mail didn't delete. Pissed about that... Then when Gregory was born, I got 2 weeks leave. I came home and evrything was new to me again... New son, freedom again.. no one shooting at me, no exposions... I jumped at everything though... Well Melanie is pissed because I wouldn't hold Greg much, and I was distant and went driving quite a bit (to think). She thinks my Jimmy and MX-6 mean more to me then her and Greg... definately not. Now, my deployment isn't up until April this year, but I am home on Emergency Leave because Gregory had heart problems and is in bad shape... Now she is mad because I can't sit in the PICU room very much... I hate seeing him like that... Well, now she wants a divorce and I can't do anything to stop it. She still loves me, and still cares about me. She said it won't work in this marriage, but if I still want her like I say I do then I will show it. She said that if I can, she'll get married again. WTF? She said she just can't take the way I treated her... But I cut out the dumb-sh*t and it doesnt matter...

    I'm busted up inside, this sucks... Any advice?
    1993 MX-6, KLZE, 5spd, Black, Eibach, Tokico Blues, SSAutochrome header, STS, steel braided clutch line, Addco rear sway

    2008 Nissan Altima
    2008.5 Nissan Titan Crew Cab

  • #2
    Re: I blew it this time... (long)

    hit me up @ Chris@allied-fence.com I'm leaving work now but I'll talk to ya later.

    Sorry to hear that
    -Chris C.
    Cadillac ATS 3.6L AWD

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    • #3
      Re: I blew it this time... (long)

      Okay, here's whatcha gotta do. You have to want to save this. I mean, you can't half assed want it, you really have to.

      Go see your son in the PICU with her. She knows it pains you to see him like that, and tell her so. Tell her how much it hurts you to see the product of your love for her, and your marriage be in so much agony. Tell her that she and your son, and your duaghter mean more to you than Military service, your car, or your dumb ex's. Explicitly state that you have never even thought abou another woman since you two have been married. Be serious. You can have this talk anywhere, as long as there is some peace and quiet. Just be honest. Crying doesn't hurt either . Don't screw it up, it sounds like you have a winner.

      After you've reconciled it with her, don't be a tool. If you go driving, take her with you, and talk to her. It can be your time while the kids are in school. Don't tell ex's you missed hittin that. You dont, you're married and I hope you love your wife. If she sees you helping someone move, tell her that she should trust you enough to let you help someone. After all, you trust her when your away on duty.

      Best of luck to you. I've recovered from screwing the pooch several times.
      1994 Performance White GT 5 speed - Rest in peace.[/B] My first car, totaled 10/11/09
      1996 Black Probe GT - 100k & Factory Spec.
      TW's Tilted Kilt 1997 Probe GTS - Hand built KLZE, Port & Polish, CAI, Eibachs, STS, Catless. Rides like your mistress, shrieks like your wife.

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      • #4
        Re: I blew it this time... (long)

        baleeted.
        Last edited by DJ-Anakin; March 25, 2004, 08:18 AM.
        When I was your age, Pluto was a planet

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        • #5
          Re: I blew it this time... (long)

          Uhmm.. I'm really sorry about your son. It's a sucky thing to have happen. Support your wife and son by being there for both of them. It's hard for her, too.

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          • #6
            Re: I blew it this time... (long)

            That's really sad to hear. Only you can make things change so good luck with whatever occurs. And I hope your son gets well soon.
            Sabrina
            I drive a Neon - 2004 Dodge SRT-4
            FlaPOC - Honorary NPA!
            SkipE - MM7's Best Rolling Wreck

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            • #7
              Re: I blew it this time... (long)

              Lithium gave some great advice. i know it hurts to see your son like that, but the best way to help out the best you can is by being there with him, and being there with your wife. talk to him, give him a reason to fight. it works. we are not alone; God is watching, and he always does what's best for all of us. let this bring you and Melanie closer, not farther away, if ya know what i mean. and definitely let Melanie know how much she means to you. all you can give is love, and the best way to show it is by spending time with her talking and growing closer. she's your best friend, and best friends stick together through good times and bad. just hang in there, and let her know how much you love her and want to stay with her. again, prayer is a powerful thing, and it always makes me feel better. hang in there, i hope the best for you, your son, and your wife.
              ~ Erin ~
              "When my fist clenches, crack it open before I use it and lose my cool.
              When I smile, tell me some bad news before I laugh and act like a fool.
              And if I swallow anything evil, put your finger down my throat.
              And if I shiver, please give me a blanket; keep me warm, let me wear your coat."

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              • #8
                Re: I blew it this time... (long)

                you guys are probably just going through a hard time right now, and she is saying things out of emotions, not what she really thinks.

                OR, you guys got married, and really are just not right for each other. it seems alot to me that you don't understand her, she doesn't understand you. not sure it that is something you can fix, but there it is.

                oh, and if anybody makes any childish jokes, I feel sorry for you. if you don't understand what I mean by that, then thats good. to you for having an open mind.
                Kevin B - Former Probe-owner
                06 Legacy GT
                98 Legacy GT

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                • #9
                  Re: I blew it this time... (long)

                  We spent a lot of time tonight talking. And all in all I feel better for it. She told me before that part of the problem, was that I was focusing on our problem instead of being totally centered Gregory. I tried to explain to her that I needed her to help me through this. Well, she came in my room about 7:45 tonight, and we talked until about 9:30. Then she went to see Gregory, and I took a shower. I went up to the PICU, and she was still with him. I was surprised (pleasantly I might add...) that when I came in she didn't leave. Usually when one of us shows up, the other left... Well, that was at 10, and she left at 10:50 and the whole time we were talking. So, things aren't nearly where I'd like them to be, but are way better than they were. I thank you guys for your support. And Lithium, we think a lot alike... he he, thanks man.
                  1993 MX-6, KLZE, 5spd, Black, Eibach, Tokico Blues, SSAutochrome header, STS, steel braided clutch line, Addco rear sway

                  2008 Nissan Altima
                  2008.5 Nissan Titan Crew Cab

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                  • #10
                    Re: I blew it this time... (long)

                    sweet. just keep that up. my dad told me something while i was in the process of my divorce.. he said 'a marriage isn't a 50/50 relationship, its more like a 60/60. you both have to work at it, put in more than you take out.' i believe that 100%.

                    just keep talking to her. communication is the key to any relationship.

                    and let us know how your son is doing.

                    When I was your age, Pluto was a planet

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                    • #11
                      Re: I blew it this time... (long)

                      I don't have any advice to give, but I do hope things work out, one way or the other. And I really hope your kid gets better, I don't have kids or a wife so I can't imagine what you're goin through. I'm sure everybody here will say a prayer for you.

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                      • #12
                        Re: I blew it this time... (long)

                        And she just doesn't get why I love all y'all so much. Thanks for all the kind words.
                        1993 MX-6, KLZE, 5spd, Black, Eibach, Tokico Blues, SSAutochrome header, STS, steel braided clutch line, Addco rear sway

                        2008 Nissan Altima
                        2008.5 Nissan Titan Crew Cab

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Re: I blew it this time... (long)

                          I personally dont know you really, though I have been you on probetalk before. Glad you made it back in from Iraq one piece too Coming back home to a situation like this cant be good at all. I hope that you find your way back into your family's arms! Family and a wife is what its all about. YOu found the right one from the start, so dont let her go!! I agree with what most people have said. Good luck with things and hopefully someday you can come back some meets in the area...WITH your wife Good luck!
                          Dan Brown - 1995 Turbo PGT ~ SOLD ~
                          287whp & 307lb-ft. @ 10.5psi & 12* Timing

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                          • #14
                            Re: I blew it this time... (long)

                            Originally posted by BSmoothXTR
                            And Lithium, we think a lot alike... he he, thanks man.
                            My name is Alex, and thanks man, I wish you, your wife, your son, and your daughter nothing but the best.
                            1994 Performance White GT 5 speed - Rest in peace.[/B] My first car, totaled 10/11/09
                            1996 Black Probe GT - 100k & Factory Spec.
                            TW's Tilted Kilt 1997 Probe GTS - Hand built KLZE, Port & Polish, CAI, Eibachs, STS, Catless. Rides like your mistress, shrieks like your wife.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Re: I blew it this time... (long)

                              i think the main problem is the fact that you're not home.. your actual together time in your marriage isnt much... and she's essentially raising a child alone when you aren't there... I'm not placing blame on you but its easy to see how she can become dissatisfied with the marriage... and now your child is ill and you're not having the reaction she would expect... so its easy to see how she might take that as just being removed from the problem.. almost uncaring...

                              quite frankly - (and this is tough love, so don't take it the wrong way ) i see it as being really just a bunch of petty bullshit from both of you. i'm not saying you dont both have valid issues.. but rather.. so? marriage is adaptation. Life is different for you.. well.. no crap... youre coming from a military deployed status into a father/husband with backlogged things to deal with.. BUT even if you are jumpy, and circumstances leave you just wanting to be alone to think... suck it up for now and just deal with it.. FAKE it if you must... this is your wife and child who hardly ever see you, and its now a dire situation (between the illness and the dissatisfied mrs.. the two things that need to be most important in your life... for you to be distant is horribly hurtful to her..)

                              now on her part... wtf.. you guys haven't been married long enough to have all this interpersonal shit between you..whatever problems you have now should be small.. so let the petty things go.. both of you. learn to live and adapt with eachother.. (something you haven't been able to do up until now because you were deployed) concentrate on your child's health.. but as for eachother, sounds like theres a good bit of maturing to do... She needs to realize being a solider isnt like working in civilian life.. especially not a deploye soldier.. Its been hard on you... she needs to realize for you, and hence for her until you can reacclimate, LIFE IS GOING TO BE TOUGH. when you guys got married, it wasnt something she was merely agreeing to, ITS SOMETHING SHE PLEDGED AND COMMITTED THE REST OF HER LIFE TO. enough with this divorce bullshit like its a highschool relationship you can walk into and out of at whim.. divorce will ruin both your lives, emotionally and financially.. and quite possibly the life of your sick child if its done at this point. I'm not saying one should never happen.. but jesus.. give it a little time at least! i believe there traditionally is a "in good times and in bad" clause in the vows you took, no? well.. this is a "bad time" and it has NOT been a so-many-years suffered bad time.. so gimme a break with this divorce stuff. "but then we'll get back together" - this alone makes me think she just REALLY DOESNT GET IT. you are married now.. end of story, it no longer works that way.

                              So... you need to just man up and let your own shit slide for now.. there is probably a lot of it.. but you, as a husband and father now - are not entitled to the "you" time you once had. work through it with her not isolating yourself from her.

                              but seriously.. just do what you have to do.. fake being overjoyed if necessary... fake wanting to spend time with her if you really, really do not... (odds are youre just so far removed from everything you don't even KNOW what you want..hence the alone/thinking time.) until the immense stress that your son's illness must be causing has passed.. then you and your wife work out your issues.. together.. and then and ONLY then... eveluate things to see if a divorce is really necessary.

                              but really it just boils down to both of you realizing exactly what the partnership in marriage is.. theres no "you time" for only you (in times of crisis) and theres no walking away and bouncing back whenever you feel like it for her. anything less at this point is wallowing in your own pities without being willing to put in the effort it takes for marriage. this realy has nothing to do with the 2 things you were "caught" at... or, if it is.. then your woman needs to grow up... but like i said i really, really don't think its only about that.. theres a ton of issues at hand here.

                              Good luck man, and i hope both of you learn quick that you've both got to work.. sometimes extremely hard and against your own personal wants and interests...

                              and good luck to your son as well- i hope the heart problems aren't serious so you can have your healthy baby boy back!
                              [x] Turbo (T3/s-60@10 psi) [x] Big Brakes [x] Jspec headlights [x] HID [x] K-Sport Coilovers [x] phantom grip LSD
                              [x] liquid/air intercooling [x] erebuni vented hood [x] type 44 kit [x] rare oem lip decklid spoiler [x] extras & misc
                              [ ] done....

                              My complete mods list

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