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  • Originally posted by RealMcCoy
    Didn't someone post that one about a month ago.....?

    yes

    Comment


    • repost. i know because i posted it.


      but, wanna know the sad part.. i just totally fell for it again.
      When I was your age, Pluto was a planet

      Comment


      • Originally posted by DJ-Anakin
        repost. i know because i posted it.


        but, wanna know the sad part.. i just totally fell for it again.
        Thats because youre old & you dont have much of a memory j/k

        Comment


        • Originally posted by MX3Chick
          Thats because youre old & you dont have much of a memory j/k
          Old balls?
          1994 Performance White GT 5 speed - Rest in peace.[/B] My first car, totaled 10/11/09
          1996 Black Probe GT - 100k & Factory Spec.
          TW's Tilted Kilt 1997 Probe GTS - Hand built KLZE, Port & Polish, CAI, Eibachs, STS, Catless. Rides like your mistress, shrieks like your wife.

          Comment


          • repost about 30 times but it always takes me 1-2 clicks to get it again... DOH
            MazdaSPEED6

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            • Pocket Taser Stun Gun

              Pocket Taser Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife. This was submitted by a guy who purchased his lovely wife a "pocket Taser" for their anniversary.

              Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my interest. The occasion was our 22nd anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra for my wife Toni. What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized taser. The effects of the taser were suppose to be short lived, with no long-term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety.... WAY TOO COOL!

              Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home. I loaded two triple-a batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. Nothing! I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button AND pressed it against a metal surface at the same time; I'd get the blue arch of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs.

              Awesome!!!

              Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Toni what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave.

              Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only two triple-a batteries. Right?!!!

              There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target. I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second) and thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised. Am I wrong?

              So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, taser in another. The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water.

              Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries.

              All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5" long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference; pretty cute really and loaded with two itsy, bitsy triple-a batteries) thinking to myself, "no possible way!"

              What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best.....

              I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one side as to say, "don't do it master," reasoning that a one-second burst from such a tiny little ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad.. I decided to give myself a one-second burst just for the heck of it. I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and HOLY MOTHER, WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION@!@$$!%!@*!!!

              I'm pretty sure Jessie Ventura ran in through the side door, picked me up in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs. The cat was standing over me making meowing sounds I had never heard before, licking my face, undoubtedly thinking to herself, "do it again, do it again!"

              Note: If you ever feel compelled to "mug" yourself with a taser, one note of
              caution: there is no such thing as a one-second burst when you zap yourself.
              You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor. A three second burst would be considered conservative.

              SON-OF-A-.. that hurt like hell!!! A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at that point), collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape. My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace. How did they up get there??? My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching. My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs.

              I'm still looking for my testicles? I'm offering a significant reward for their safe return.



              Still in shock,

              Tommy

              Comment


              • The Why's of Men:

                The Why's of Men:

                1. WHY DO MEN BECOME SMARTER DURING SEX?
                (because they are plugged into a genius)

                2. WHY DON'T WOMEN BLINK DURING SEX?
                (they don't have enough time)

                3. WHY DOES IT TAKE 1 MILLION SPERM TO FERTILIZE ONE EGG?
                (they don't stop to ask directions)

                4. WHY DO MEN SNORE WHEN THEY LIE ON THEIR BACKS?
                (because their balls fall over their butt-hole and they vapor lock)
                (You're laughing, aren't you?!?!)

                5. WHY WERE MEN GIVEN LARGER BRAINS THAN DOGS?
                (so they won't hump women's legs at cocktails parties)

                6. WHY DID GOD MAKE MEN BEFORE WOMEN?
                (you need a rough draft before you make a final copy)

                7. HOW MANY MEN DOES IT TAKE TO PUT A TOILET SEAT DOWN?
                (don't know.....it never happened)

                And my personal favorite:
                8. WHY DID GOD PUT MEN ON EARTH?
                (because a vibrator can't mow the lawn)

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                • HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

                  I don't want to laugh at your... self-induced... misfortune, but that's the funniest thing I've heard all day!

                  Comment






                  • jj
                    no it gave me a laugh.
                    92 GT RIP
                    93 GT SOLD
                    2000 Cougar

                    Comment


                    • Magilla...I always thought you were a dude. Well, just have to start calling you Vagilla....
                      '92 PGL

                      Comment


                      • OMG, thank you!!!!!!!

                        edit: lol, and you are 52?????
                        93 pgt= yard ornament

                        proud owner since 1999

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                        • OMG that is a video I would love to see... BWhahahahah
                          I swear I laughed my ass off so hard!
                          Artist, Writer, Photographer, Video Producer, Daddy!

                          Official Facebook page for Me, Myself and I

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                          • haha, i've read this one before, but still funny as hell.

                            Comment


                            • EH, i feel for ya. Cuz i would have done it too
                              -Jimmy Forester

                              Comment


                              • Originally posted by FixFalcon
                                Magilla...I always thought you were a dude. Well, just have to start calling you Vagilla....
                                Now that was funny Ok, at least I found it moreso than the why's of men.

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