Official Joke thread

[PGT_chick]

A man and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for their 25th anniversary. As the couple reflected on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asked the husband, "When you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your mind?"

The husband replied, "All I wanted to do was to **** your brains out, and suck your tits dry."

Then, as the wife undressed, she asked, "What are you thinking now?"

He replied, "It looks as if I did a pretty good job."

[PGT Man]

Okay I am way too lazy to read all 11 pages of jokes.... so I hope this isnt a repost. This kid in my art class always tells really bad jokes. Heres on from today:

What's the difference between cheap halogen light bulbs and a blonde?



They both get screwed on the hood of a ford escort.

[DJ-Anakin]

Customer walks into a porno store asking for an inflatable  doll...  

Guy behind the counter says, "Male or female?   Customer says, "Female'

Counter guy asks, "Black or white?"  

Customer says, "White"

Counter guy asks, "Christian or Muslim?"

Customer says, "What the hell does religion have to do with it?"  

Counter guy says, "The Muslim one blows itself  up."

[SpykeZ]

Customer walks into a porno store asking for an inflatable doll...

Guy behind the counter says, "Male or female? Customer says, "Female'

Counter guy asks, "Black or white?"

Customer says, "White"

Counter guy asks, "Christian or Muslim?"

Customer says, "What the hell does religion have to do with it?"

Counter guy says, "The Muslim one blows itself up."

LMAO!! That was awsome...


"Hello, is this here the Sheriff's Office?"
"Yes What can I do for you?"
"I'm calling to report my neighbor, Virgil Smith. He's drillin' holes in his farwood and hiding marijuana inside!"
"Thank you very much for the call, sir."
The next day, the Sheriff & his deputies descend on Virgil's house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes, they split every piece of wood, but find no marijuana. They sneer at Virgil and leave.
The phone rings at Virgil's house.
"Hey, Virgil! This here is Floyd. Did the Sheriff come?"
"Yeah!"
"Did they split yer farwood?"
"Yep!"
"Happy Birthday, buddy!"

(Who says rednecks aren't real bright?!)

[sm0othcrim1nul]

lmao at those last three.

[Evil Probe]

This guy goes to a bar that's on the tenth floor of a hotel. He sits down and has a couple of drinks, then stands up, announces loudly that he has had enough, and goes over and jumps out the window. Now, there are two men who are sitting at a window table, and having that natural human curiosity about the grotesque, watch as this man plummets to certain death. However, just as he is about to hit the ground, he rights himself, pulls his feet underneath himself, and lands gracefully. He then turns and comes back into the building. Naturally, the two men are amazed. The guy comes back into the bar, orders a few drinks, then repeats the process. The two men at the window seat are astounded! When the guy returns and repeats the procedure AGAIN, the two men stop him before he jumps and ask him how on earth he does that. He replies "It's simple, really. There's an air vent down by the ground, and if you catch the updraft, you can right yourself and land on the ground with no problems." Then he proceeded to jump out the window again. Well, these two men decided that they just HAD to try this, so they jumped out the window, and SPLAT! -- made a mess hitting all over the ground. Meanwhile, the first guy has made it back up to the bar. When he sits down to order his drinks, the bartender says "Superman, you can be a real ass when you're drunk!"

[SpykeZ]

Margarine was originally manufactured to fatten turkeys. When

it killed the turkeys, the people who had put all the money into the

research wanted a payback so they put their heads together to figure

out what to do with this product to get their money back. It was a

white substance with no food appeal so they added the yellow coloring

and sold it to people to use in place of butter. How do you like it?

They have come out with some clever new flavorings.



DO YOU KNOW...the difference between margarine and
butter?

Read on to the end...gets very interesting!

Both have the same amount of calories.

Butter is slightly higher in saturated fats at 8 grams
compared to 5 grams.

Eating margarine can increase heart disease in women by
53% over eating the same amount of butter, according to a recent
Harvard Medical Study.

Eating butter increases the absorption of many other
nutrients in other foods..

Butter has many nutritional benefits where margarine
has a few only because they are added!

Butter tastes much better than margarine and it can
enhance the flavors of other foods.

Butter has been around for centuries where margarine
has been around for less than 100 years.

And now, for Margarine..

Very high in trans fatty acids.

Triple risk of coronary heart disease.

Increases total cholesterol and LDL (this is the bad
cholesterol) and lowers HDL cholesterol, (the good cholesterol)

Increases the risk of cancers up to five fold.

Lowers quality of breast milk.

Decreases immune response.

Decreases insulin response.

And here's the most disturbing fact.... HERE IS THE
PART THAT IS VERY INTERESTING!

Margarine is but ONE MOLECULE away from being
PLASTIC..

This fact alone was enough to have me avoiding
margarine for life and anything else that is hydrogenated (this means
hydrogen is added, changing the molecular structure of the substance).


You can try this yourself:

Purchase a tub of margarine and leave it in your garage
or shaded area. Within a couple of days you will note a couple of
things:

* no flies, not even those pesky fruit flies will go
near it (that should tell you something)

* it does not rot or smell differently because it has
no nutritional value; nothing will grow on it Even those teeny weeny
microorganisms will not a find a home to grow. Why? Because it is
nearly plastic. Would you melt your Tupperware and spread that on your
toast?

[Jicks]

Would you melt your Tupperware and spread that on your
toast?

I can, I will, I do

[SpykeZ]

I can, I will, I do

Hows it taste?

[dead_beat_89]

Like butter!

[DJ-Anakin]

heh. like budah.

[JOSEPH PIERCE]

french chuckle

The French Again!!

The train was quite crowded, so a U. S. Marine walked the entire length
Looking for a seat, but the only seat left was taken by a well dressed,
Middle-aged, French woman's poodle. The war-weary Marine asked, "Ma'am, may
I have that seat?"

The French woman just sniffed and said to no one in particular, "Americans
Are so rude. My little Fifi is using that seat."

The Marine walked the entire train again, but the only seat left was under
That dog.

"Please, ma'am. May I sit down? I'm very tired." She snorted, "Not only are
You Americans rude, you are also arrogant!"

This time the Marine didn't say a word; he just picked up the little dog,
Tossed it out the train window, and sat down.
The woman shrieked, "Someone must defend my honour! Put this American in his
Place!"

An English gentleman sitting nearby spoke up, "Sir, you Americans often seem
To have a penchant for doing the wrong thing. You hold the fork in the wrong
Hand. You drive your autos on the wrong side of the road. And now, sir, you
Seem to have thrown the wrong bitch out the window.

[rajamit]

heeeeeeee hawwww

[Scummer]

Good one

[I<3my93GT]

haha... thats funny!